Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Whatsa Motto, You?

Michael Newdow is back in the news after announcing recently that he plans to sue to have "In God We Trust" taken off of U.S. currency. And by "back in the news" I mean back as a target for bloviating righteous indignation from right wing hacks.

Take this fellow, for example: Doug Hagin who has a commentary on the newest Newdow doings titled, Atheist fanatics--Stalin would be proud! And that's the nicest thing he has to say. Now, debunking his little screed would provide mild amusement, I'm sure, but countering such obviously stupid -- and factually wrong -- statements like, "Now, emboldened by his victory on the pledge, [Newdow] is back to broaden his campaign of religious genocide..." would probably be considered attacking a straw man, even by the standards of, say, the ironically named Intellectual Conservative which regularly carries Hagin's column. I mean, by the time I got to this statement from the halfwit I found him much more funny than threatening: "The ugly truth about Newdow, the ACLU, and those who foolishly support their Stalinist ideologies is that they despise God."

But then, there was a passage that I went back to re-read.

Is anyone really being treated differently because those words are on our money? Are Atheists being given different voting requirements? Are they being denied the right to fair trials? Are they being forced to attend church? Are they being forbidden from attending religious services?Exactly what Constitutional rights are being denied Atheists?

The answer of course is zero, none, and none at all! Newdow and his cohorts must be living under the demented assumption that feeling a certain way is protected by the United States Constitution. Simply put [sic] the words "In God We Trust" on money does nothing unconstitutional, no matter how many crocodile tears Newdow and the ACLU shed!

And then I thought, "You know, he kinda has a point. These are just a few little words printed on our money, after all. No harm done, no matter how I might feel about them." And then I got thinking some more. "These aren't horrible words," I thought to myself, "but I think I know of some I like better. And I'm sure that Doug Hagin won't be offended. After all, if I were to change maybe one little word, it's not like Doug Hagin's rights are being violated or he's being forbidden to attend church or something." So I did.

It's hard to write that small
And then I got thinking even more, and I thought it might be cool to have customizable -- even vanity -- mottos on money!

perhaps even sponsored mottos to raise revenue Just Imagine! A whole rainbow of mottos -- the collective whim, wit and wisdom of this great melting pot of society... a shuffled poem in your wallet. All thanks to the insight of an accidental genius, Doug Hagin! Thank you, Doug Hagin!

I would've written more but that was all I had in my wallet


vesti said...

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Fantod said...

Wow! $96!

I have this... specially tooled, um, pen. That I used to perform my manipulations.

Any bids?

CrackerLilo said...

I hope the people who are getting all hysterical about this get your bills!

I think atheists and other non-Christians have bigger problems in this country, but Newdow's got a set of big brass ones anyway to be doing this.

Carl said...

Listen, all this noodling with our currency is going to cost a lot of money for the government, but I think I have a solution.

If we change the motto to:

In Goo We Trust

we'll only need to alter slightly one letter, thus saving 2/3rds! of the cost!

MythicalMe said...

I think that Mr. Hagin ignores the obvious and that is that the US Currency is a tool that is used to represent all US citizens in economic markets around the globe. "In God We Trust" makes a blanket statement about all citizens regardless of religious persuasion. If I use my currency in another country, what does the other guy think about me? He's probably thinking that I am an American and also a christian. While it may be true that I an American, I am not a christian.

Red Tory said...

Hey, if you can't trust God to knock down your levees, flood a major metropolitan city, conjure a dozen or more devastating hurricanes to wreak havoc up and down your east coast, set blaze to thousands of acres of timber, whip up mudslides, and trash the lives of countless thousands of innocent people... who CAN you trust?

Red Tory said...

So who is this Doug Hagin guy, I wondered? Well, according to his bio that’s posted here, there and all over the place on the internets, he’s “38, single, loves outdoors (apparently hiking in the Rockies – although he lives in Florida, so I guess he doesn’t get out that much), watching football on TV and dreams of having a political column nationally syndicated.” Dream on Doug… dream on… (Why do I hear the theme song from Mad TV’s “Lowered Expectations” bit running through my head?) But never mind the evident pathos it seems Doug is on his way, well sort of… He’s been prattling on for 7 years, and now his column runs regularly in a bunch of obscure publications you’ve never heard of nor are likely to ever encounter in all your born days on this planet (e.g., Hour Eleven, The Reality Check, Ellis County Press, etc.)

This is the same fellow who proposed the following well-reasoned solution to prevent future school shootings: “First, allow teachers to carry guns if they have a concealed carry permits. Secondly, allow any parents to carry and patrol the halls as well.” And coughed up this gem when discussing Harriet Miers’ nomination to the SCOTUS: “Consider that President Bush has a tremendous record of placing brilliant judges on courts. Consider that he has, indeed, earned our trust on this matter.” Oh, and here’s some unintentional irony from a column blasting liberals for being self-pitying whiners: “How very pathetic these maddening wimpy attitudes are! So many in America think every thing and everyone should bend, change and alter their standards and rules so as not to… offend them.” Yeah, tell that to Brent Bozell.

So, clearly the guy is an idiot; another blithering dittohead who’s happy to parrot the usual cartoonish impressions of what he imagines ALL liberals to be like. What a joke.

Fantod said...

Ha! Lowered Expectations, indeed!

He should win some sort of award for Unending Stream of Hyperbolic Cliches. Yeah, Doug, if you use "Stalin" and "hates God" enough times in one of your commentaries then you don't have to fill the thing with pesky "arguments" or "facts".