Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Texans Are a Bunch of Bible-Hating Tinky-Winking Salad Tossers

Or, at least the three out of four of them that voted for Proposition 2 are. Prop.2 author Rep. War On Jism called the proposed amendment to the Texas Constitution a biblical issue. Here it is:

"The constitutional amendment providing that marriage in this state consists only of the union of one man and one woman and prohibiting this state or a political subdivision of this state from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."
Why, I don't see one word that mentions the Bible! Do you? Didn't Rep. War On Jism (or is that Warring Jism?) have the conviction of his faith needed to write a truly biblical proposal? He fucking wimped out. What a chickenshit. And shame on all those Texans who passed this pathetically anemic amendment. Congratulations, now it's a part of your constitution until the end of days. And speaking of which, what are you going to say to Jesus when He comes back to see that you had a chance to really do something to protect marriage -- to make it a biblical issue -- but the godless liberals conned you into settling for this!?

Well, whether it be due to Rep. Warring Jism's weak-kneed heathen-appeasing or the sheeple mindset of today's voters, you've lost that one battle. But you have another opportunity to do right by the Right! As we speak, Senator Sam Bareback of Kansyass is revisiting the Federal Marriage Amendment so now is the time to act. I have here a truly biblical marriage amendment proposal that I received through email. I did not write it and so cannot claim credit, though I'd love to. Copy this and send it to your representatives in Congress.

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: "Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government." Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely on Biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women.(Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage between a believer and a nonbeliever shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. If an unwed woman is raped, she shall marry her rapist. (Deut 22:28-29)


Red Tory said...

And remember... the Bible is the LITERAL word of God!

Of course they always manage to weasel out of that one. Hypocrites.

p.s. Added you to my blogroll. Sorry wasn't aware of your site until a few days ago.

Carl said...

If an unwed woman is raped, she shall marry her rapist. (Deut 22:28-29)

Aw crap...

Anonymous said...

Carl, you're a bad man. That's why we love ya.

Fantod said...

p.s. Added you to my blogroll. Sorry wasn't aware of your site until a few days ago.

That's very kind, Martin. No sweat, 'cause I really haven't been "promoting" it since I don't know how often it'll get updated!

p.s. LOL @ carl!

RadicalPurple said...

Dude, LOVE it. Great work. Have you tried slapping Fister and Scar with it yet?

Fantod said...


They're deleting my comments.

I suspect the pacman post was directed at you and me, among others...

Red Tory said...

I didn't get the point of that Pac-Man post. I've long since given up posting comments over there. Not much point when he just deletes them. Funny that my new stalker posted one there. And got deleted. LOL.

RadicalPurple said...

Yeah Fantod, thats what I think too. No matter.
War On Jism?
Best. Name. EVER.