Friday, February 03, 2006

Do They also Prescribe Drilling a Hole in Your Head to Release the Evil Spirits?

I guess this sort of quackery is fairly commonplace:

A 36-year old Kissimmee woman who mentioned to her doctor during a routine checkup that she is a lesbian has filed complaints with the Florida Department of Health and CIGNA Healthcare against him and his assistant for advocating she change her sexual orientation.

[...]

The complaints, filed by the National Center for Lesbian Rights on behalf of [Jamie] Beiler, allege that during the March 2005 visit, Dr. Hartman and his medical assistant Dawn Pope-Wright falsely presented their personal beliefs as medical information and provided her with unwanted treatment that has been rejected as ineffective by all major health and mental health organizations.

My friends always say I'm screwed in the head -- I'll show them screwed in the head!
Said Dr. Hartman in response to the complaints, "I suppose you'd take away my magnets and phrenology maps, too, if they weren't aprooooooved by the elitists at the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association, the American Psychological Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Association of Social Workers and found to actually be harmful like reparative therapy has been. What? What do you mean they're -- Dawn! Hide the leeches!"

***

A little side note on trepanation. While doing some browsing for information on the practice, I found the diary (warning: graphic pictures) of a gentleman who decided to partake in a home-trepanation procedure in order to derive anticipated mind-expanding benefits. Here's an entry from some undisclosed amount of time after the procedure:
When I take in much caffeine or THC, I feel flashes of heat from within my head. They happen in different parts of my head each time, always on top, but never by the hole itself. The first time it happened, when I was in a car with a friend, pulling a big bong hit, I started to feel the heat in my head and I heard a squirt sound inside my head. At first, I silently panicked (what's the past tense of panic?). I thought to myself, "Am I having a hemorrhage in the brain or something? Is the sensation about to get more intense in general? Am I OK?", but then it passed and I was fine. I still feel the heat in the head sensations now, very regularly, and sometimes now even when not smoking pot or drinking coffee.

And, actually, the procedure can be gauged a success when you compare that to the pre-op entry in the diary: "Me want hole in head. So me can get fuck better. What is past tense of fuck?"


Oh! And yes, I know that leeches actually have modern medical uses. But they will forever be an icon of weird, outmoded ways of illogically "curing" people. And their use as a comedic gag cannot be denied. ;-)

16 comments:

KEvronius said...

gotta agree: leeches are funny!

the banana slug has unlimited comedic value....

KEvron

web_geek said...

maggots are making a comeback!

Carl said...

I've tried to give up lesbianism too. It jsut doesn't work.

not_over_it said...

geek! Get outa' my head! I'm the one who turned tobyo's dilema into a symposium on using maggots to treat diabetics, but rainmom made it funny! :)

KEv, I learned the hard way not to walk barefoot on my deck. Do you know how hard it is to get maggot guts out from in between your toes? That stuff sticks!

I'd check into Dr. Hartman's licence and past complaints. He's calling the AMA elitists? That screams Red Flag!

Fantod said...

I'd check into Dr. Hartman's licence and past complaints. He's calling the AMA elitists? That screams Red Flag!

Er. That is not an actual quote by Dr. Hartman. That is a Fantod fictionalization.

As is the pre-op quote from the trepanation... um... customer.

Fantod said...

web_geek said...
maggots are making a comeback!


Yes! Maggots, too!

Carl said...

I learned the hard way not to walk barefoot on my deck. Do you know how hard it is to get maggot guts out from in between your toes? That stuff sticks!

It's easy, especially up by you...find a Republican with a foot fetish....

Red Tory said...

Trepanation, leeches, maggots, Republicans with foot fetishes... Yuck.

Carl said...

I was fine up until the last one...

Red Tory said...

Hey, you brought it up man. I'd take a leech any day over Tom DeLay sucking on my toe.

CrackerLilo said...

Great. I couldn't sleep anyway, and then I clicked on that link--EWWWW!!! And I'm the one who's always leaning into her wife's shoulder when the nasty bloody scenes on CSI come on ("Can't you at least take off your glasses first?")

I'd take the leeching, trepanation, etc over a visit with this asshat any day.

In fact, I'm sort of in the mood to perform a trepanation on Hartman and Pope-Wright right now. With my eyes closed, since I can't take the sight of blood.

Seriously, this is why we don't get the medical care we need!!!

Carl said...

Red Tory said...
Hey, you brought it up man. I'd take a leech any day over Tom DeLay sucking on my toe.


How would you know the difference?

AliB said...

Red Tory said...
Hey, you brought it up man. I'd take a leech any day over Tom DeLay sucking on my toe.


How would you know the difference?


Leeches are much more cuddly and heartwarming than DeLay.

not_over_it said...

I have to add to AliB's observation.

At least leeches only suck your blood.

(I meant DeLay takes your soul, pigs!) ;)

Fantod said...

crackerlilo said...
...then I clicked on that link--EWWWW!!!


LOL! Can't say I didn't warn ya. ;-)

I'd take the leeching, trepanation, etc over a visit with this asshat any day.

[...]

Seriously, this is why we don't get the medical care we need!!!


Isn't it amazing? The holier-than-thou frightwingers love to gripe about the rates of STDs and AIDS in homosexuals but then in the same breath recommend harmful "reparative" therapy as "treatment" and fight legal recognition of monogamous relationships tooth and nail. Sick hypocrites, they are.

CrackerLilo said...

And, of course, they don't want to teach straight, bi, *or* gay kids how to prevent STDs or get them treated in the early stages, either, only tell them sex is evil, but that's another rant.

This kind of stuff makes me angry at both homophobic doctors and myself. I let a lesbophobic gynecologist talk me into denying myself that sort of care for 18 months, and a little problem became *big* in that amount of time. Personally, I think doctors who let their prejudices get in the way of proper treatment need to be sued for malpractice.